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Maybe that’s why I feel so attracted to Sex and The City (absolutely without reference to the bed scenes).

The words of the narrator, the inner voice of Carrie, seemed like what I wanted to hear.

Thoughts ran wild, confusion over own actions, the need to shop, the love for shoes, and occasional freakouts.

The only difference is, in this life, there is no Big flying all the way to Paris to look for Carrie in the finale episode of Season 6.. No apologies, no sequel, definitely no proposal with a walk-in-closet. My emotions told me it’s a dream snatched away and lived by someone else ’cause it was never mine.

At times, I still thought that is the feeling-ought-to-be, but no longer achievable. No other reasons. I’m just not young any more. 17 again only occurs in movies.

I remembered that at the retreat, we were taught to ask God, how’s year 2010?

Hmm, “Breathe”. It seemed to me that God has been saying this on a few occasion and now, on the last day of 2010, I caught it.

I am breathing pretty well, especially in these past 2 weeks. Despite the FYP deadline, I completed 2 books, God’s Outrageous Claims and To Kill a Mockingbird, and watched 5 episodes of Boys over Flowers.

I must be breathing and sleeping too well.

Oh and I did pangseh-ed people. I guess having a break from people (even though I love them lots) is healthy, allowing me to BREATHE! With that, I am finally and HAPPILY typing my FYP report. =) If only I can have all the time in the world, I will sip on a cosmopolitan and watch SATC S1-6. (which PPTV has failed to provide, and now I have to find alternative means to gets my hands on them)

Last but not least, Happy New Year!

I’ve got a new trick; I shall just bury myself in books (not textbooks, of course), but novels!

For girls, there’s another temporary cure (that works like a pain relief) – Shopping. The other thing is, clothes, shoes and bags, will never quite fail you, even if you followed your heart and acted on impulse.

If dating a guy is like shopping for clothes in Singapore, I can complain non-stop. I will never understand Singaporean fashion among the majority of the girls and boys.

Instead of making a new year resolution of no shopping for a year, I shall not go out with guys with hidden agenda for 2011. Make genuine friends and shoo away the flies.

So I grabbed a ‘children’ storybook of sheep and wolves which surprisingly embeds one of the most crucial lessons of life.

OUTLEARNING THE WOLVES by David Hutchens

Although the main theme was centralised around ‘surviving and thriving in a learning organization’, it does inspire me to raise questions about my life, which i wonder if others ever asked.

Otto said: “We tell ourselves we are strong so we won’t have to face up the ways we are weak.”

“It tells me it isn’t enough to just to change the way we do things. We must also change the way we see and the way we think. We need to learn how to learn differently.”

“What is it like to be a wolf?”

“I won’t stand this kind of disrespect to our ancestors. They taught us that wolves were a fact of life.”

One last funny quote: “Impressed by the turnout,  Jerome made an attempt to count the sheep…but strangely, he found himself becoming so sleepy that he had to stop.”

Were we Singaporeans too unquestioning and accepting of our ways of our life that we’ve forgotten how to learn?

I still remembered how ridiculous it was that when the teacher said that A was the right answer, no one questioned and if I ever rebuked and offered another solution, I was bombarded by my classmates. This was the truth (in primary school). I even questioned why was SG students only able to learn Han Yu Pin Yin in Pri3, when I think I can safely credit my good Mandarin foundation to the fact that I self-learned my HYPY through cassette tape before I entered Pri1.

A basic search gave me this: It is not required by MOE that kindergartens teach HYPY. MOE discourages kindy to teach for fear that it will confuse kids.

What kind of fear is this to not lay the right foundation?

There are so many loopholes lying everywhere in this society and in myself, but I’m not sad with this loopholes. I feel more for those who cannot recognise the ‘holes’ and fell into them.

I see more iPhone users in Singapore than anywhere else in the world. Don’t judge that Americans and Europeans are Apple Users based on the movies. Steve Jobs (or rather the marketing dept) pays for product placement. Apple is not a leading technological company, but has a successful and strong marketing force.

What are we chasing after exactly? (even Christians are chasing after things which I do not understand)